I also believe that with support and close communication between both parents a child can still emotionally grow.Is it true about that parents splitting up cause more harm to the children?
My ex and I divorced a year ago. Since that time, I have seen dramatic changes in my children. Before I moved out, my daughter (12) was introverted, sullen, extremely quiet, moody - we teased her by calling her 'Violet' from the movie 'The Incredibles'. She fit the bill, hair hanging in her face and all. Once I moved out, she lit up like a star. She is now outgoing, chatty, funny, involved with more friends, and very close to her brother and me. I believe that she saw the life I was living with her dad and felt that she had THAT to look forward to. Once I left, she realized she was not doomed to a life of servitude and her entire outlook changed. I think that divorce can be the best thing to happen to a family sometimes, although it's incredibly difficult to go through at the beginning. All good things have a price.Is it true about that parents splitting up cause more harm to the children?
You're last sentence says it all. It's better, for children, to have two happy homes, than one that is a tense battlefield.
It depends if the child wants to live with that parent. If not she might even be glad to leave that parent. But the thing is as long as both your parents still love you, you can forget bout that thing you're deprived of and be aware you are still living a normal life.
yes it is. My parents split up and i know it wasn't my fault but i could help but feel that i could have done more to keep them together.
For years i blamed my self.
I do not think so...my parents stayed together, and all they did was fight. In my case it actually did more harm for me and my siblings in this case. We all probably would have been happier if they had just split, mainly because I am not a person who can handle alot of screaming
I didn't know ';scientists'; studied break ups, I though they studied ';science';.
A country is like a human body and a family is like a human sel. If the family broke out a lot in tha community than you can see that area would not have peace fullness. and the country will get sick.
So it is vary truth that the parents splitting up is not only effect to the children. It will kill the country. See USA some part of the state the criminal case is lower and if you check the divore rate it should be lower. Or you can check the country divorce rate than see their criminal rate. Try compare USA with Malaysia or CANADA. Than you would see the effect is big than you can think of.
what about the parents, if they do split and the kids make their lives hell for spliting, no win situation! happened to me
yes it affects the children mentally at a young age and can ruin their future! dont do it
Hello
I don't think so.
I think that your children want you both to be happy.
And all they need is love from the both of you.
Just be honest and up front with them about it and they will respect you more.
It wont be esasy but in the end i am sure that they will be fine.
Best of luck'
i think that if parents are willing to keep trying then they should, if one has already decided to leave then EVERYONE will be miserable so there is no point in staying together. once you are mentally checked out, then you are SOO VERY GONE
First of all, most people here are giving personal opinions, or what they believe should be true.
Studies had originally shown that 'staying together for the kids' was not in the kids interest. But as the horizon of the studies has grown longer, the opposite seems to be true. _as children_ they can do as well in split households, but 25 years later, they aren't doing as well. The researchers had not expected to find this result.
So that's the most recent research, no matter what people here are saying. Its possible that more research will show something different. But that's what the weight of evidence says right now.
I believe that parents who stay together for the sake of the children do a lot more damage than if they had decided to split. I grew up in domestic hell, my parents fought throughout my childhood and it affected me badly. I believe that while it would have been hard seeing them divorce as a child, once things had settled down it would have been better to see both parents separated and happy than together and living in hell.
I also believe staying together does not teach the child about adult relationships but helps to form a negative view of adulthood.
Parents who don't love each other should split.
No. It ain't true.
When parents argue and are bitter towards each other it is always better for everyone involved if the parents go their own way. Children grow up feeling like it is their fault that the parents are fighting. Even when they have absolutely nothing to do with it. My parents stayed together for us. We both grew up miserable. We don't know how to ';love'; because we never saw it between our parents. We cannot commit to a relationship.We both had to teach ourselves how to kiss and hug children.We also felt bad that our parents wasted so much of their lives being stuck in misery instead of finding their own happiness.In our case, everybody lost.I don't reccommend staying together unless you can work things out and be a happy family.And you can't fake happiness for the children's sake. They know!
Oh they come up with all kinds of ';proof'; and ';statistics'; Anymore children from divorced families are the norm. In my opinion, what is more important is what happens after - are there still 2 parents who support, love and are there. Or in the alternative, one parent who devotes every moment possible to the childs needs.
I think you are opening a huge can of worms on this issue.There's no right or wrong answer, and it's certainly not an easy answer. I think that it's neither true or false. You cannot stay together for kids if you are unhappy, and making each other miserable. You will in turn take it out on the children. The children will suffer, because you are suffering. You may be putting more time and energy into what's going on around you, then with the children, as compared to if the divorce was done and over. I grew up with out a dad, I did just fine. I am successful, I don't have emotional problems, I can love, trust, and so on. I think you need to put the kids ahead, and really think about how it will affect the kids, if you stay together for the sake of them.
It's not good for children to see their parents fighting often or ignoring each other or not loving each other. Children learn from their parents and they will see that behavior as ';normal';. When it comes time for them to choose a mate they will have a very dysfunctional home.
It's NOT good to stay together ';for the children';. The best thing ';for the children'; is to live an honest life.
Yes, because most kids believe its their fault that the marriage didn't last. The best thing to do is to go to counseling to make sure their well being is in tact.
I agree. I came from a broken family, too. Sure, it caused me some ';issues'; as an adult but I think had they stayed together and fought and continued to use me as a pawn in their emotional warfare, I'd be a real mess! It's too bad that people can't seem to get past their feelings of revenge and anger to be proper parents to their children!
It depends on why they would split up. There are a number of families I know where if the mother had just had the strength to walk away from the husband, the children would have been better off. But most of the time, and any time there's not abuse of some kind in the picture, it's better to stay.
And here's one really clear reason why: a kid learns how to play his parents off each other. We all did it. But when they live appart, it becomes easier. If the father won't allow his daughter to dress like a hooker, but his mother will, then she goes to her mom's when she wants to dress like a hooker to get arround the dad's rules. If the mom insists she eat healthy, then she goes to her dad's for ice cream. She never learns to follow rules, just how to get arround them. When she shows up at her dad's dressed like a hooker, then dad is afraid of being the bad guy because mom lets her do it, and if she shows up at mom's with an ice cream cone, what can mom do about it? Dad lets her all the time. If you stay together, rather than not having to deal with either set of rules all the time, you have to deal with all the rules all the time, and you learn to work within the rules.
That's just one way that staying together is good for kids.
thats a hard one, if parents stay together just for the sake of the kids they could end up doing them more harm than if they split up,kids are more likely to be affected if there parents are at loggerheads all the time.
I agree with you, I come from a split family also. But my parents were not supportive of each other. They communicated when they were yelling and screaming at each other in the front yard. I have emotional issues as well as (self determined) abandonment issues, but overall, I think that if the parents stay together for the sake of the children it will just teach the children to not make themselves happy and to just do whatever ';seems right'; to scientists and society. I think its crap, the examples you set for your kids will stick with them forever and the constant fighting in front of them will make them think thats how life is supposed to be lived because thats all they know.
I also come from a split family and It'd have been worst if my parents would have stayed together, I remember the horrible fights they had. Kids learn from all their surroundings (their family) and if all they see is hate and fights and yelling and screaming and violence.... I don't think they will grow up emotionally stable at all!!
No. Staying together for the sake of the children does not work. It is much better to live happily APART than unhappily together. If you fight all the time what kind of environment is that to raise children in?? Noone is happy then and the kids think you are fighting b/c of them. In this day and age divorce does not affect children as much as living in an unhappy household in my opinion
Parents splitting up always hurts the whole family. However, it hurts the children thw worst if the parents try to put them in the middle and pit them against one another.
Good support and communication through a divorse and being there for the children is essential. The children must know that is not their fault.
most of the timer when a child has a split family the child will start to think it was cause of thier wrong doing and will go on the guilt trip for quite sometime. when two people get to gether they should think about the future and whether or not they will be happy. they sometimes get married for the approval of sex from one family or the other. but the only time it could cause harm to the kids is if the parents bring the burden and place it on their sholders and tell them its all thier fault.
it depends on the parents and how they work things out being split up... each family is different so it could do harm to the child and it couldn't..
i believe that if parents stay together for the sake of the children and all they do is argue and fight, how can that be good for a child? and yes, support and close communication between both parents and a child will actually do the child some good.
never experienced such. so dont know. my parents have been together forever
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